an act or instance of failing  or proving unsuccessful; lack of success;

nonperformance of something due, required, or expected;

a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency

 

I  can think of the million places where I went wrong.  But they seemed like the right and logical choices at the time.  Shaping, molding, growing.  These humans are really fucking complicated.  I choke back my tears, which are motivated by what?  Self pity?  Indignance?  My feelings are hurt, no doubt about that.  But, are they justified in being so?  Have I led myself directly to this place?  I baked this cake with rotten eggs and sour milk, and now I have to eat the whole thing with a smile on my face.  

I just feel defeated and sad, and like its too late to make a difference anymore.