Doctor Emerson's Exempliphonic Whistle

When a legend is created, origin names it as the legend in order to uniquely identify it and ensure that the object behaves as such.

The legend, now, is yours, my friend. How lucky you are to have this fabled whistle brought into your life. Use it wisely and with great caution, for you are now it's keeper.

The following information is furnished exclusively for the possessor of the whistle. Dispose of this material immediately if you are not the holder of said object and purge your eyes of what you've seen.

Before you begin, please read all instructions carefully.

General Warning: Prior to transference, the exempliphonic whistle is imbued with tightly coiled energy. At the moment it becomes uncoiled, kinetic aftershock becomes a threat. The resulting force may cause damages and/or injury. Proceed with care.

1. Keep the unpacking area clear of obstruction and debris.

2. Position the crate in the standard fashion.

3. Wedge the end of a crowbar into the opening between the slats and pry carefully.

4. Once a plank is loosened: take two steps back, rotate 180 degrees and speak these words clearly. "By the charm of generic conservation in the dim light of daybreak, I (insert your given name here) admit you into my life and accept, fully, the impact of doing so."

5. Your whistle is ready to use!